Philly Part 2

WE ARE HOME! 

Well, we've been home since Saturday technically...


Let me pick up from where I left off last.

On Thursday we had more therapy. It was actually very beneficial because we were able to move the time so Ana wasn't so exhausted from no naps. She was a bit tired still, but actually worked! We focused on rolling and scooting. Anabelle really liked to roll. We tried to get her into a prone position when she would roll on to her belly, she cried. Prone means she is up putting weight onto her forearms, like in an army crawl position. I think it might be to much of a stretch on the muscles in her shoulder/arm pit area since those muscles are really tight. There was also a wedge we used to help her learn to scoot. They has a smaller wedge that basically looked like a little slide, Ana sized. It has an inch lip on each side, and it was about 18 inches from top to bottom of the slide. We put Ana at the top, and at first helped her scoot down to show her how to do it. She was fine if we were doing it for her. But she got the idea, and did it solo! However... it scared her, and she cried. She's not use to moving on her own, so it was scary not to have our hands on her while she moved,  she didn't feel secure. But she is getting the idea, and I think she will progress quickly!

Friday: We had PT first. It was another good day! More of the same, but she is getting the idea, and I think it will only take a few months until she is all over the place and we will have to really baby proof again!

Saturday was our flight home. It was an early flight, especially since we had to return a car and was worried about it being spring break and the cut backs to TSA. We had a flight from Philly to Chicago, then Chicago home. With a 3 hour layover in Chicago. Unfortunately plans changed. On the flight to Chicago Anabelle's feeding tube broke. Now, she has a straight J tube. J is for Jejunum. Jejunum is the first part of your small intestine. The more popular tube is a G tube, and that goes directly into your stomach. Ana's tube bypass the stomach and goes directly to the jejunum. Her tube has to be replaced in the hospital under anesthesia. We aren't even give a replacement just in case we run into this issue. Also, because of the size she has, the part that comes out of her stomach hangs out about 6 inches or so. The tube broke in that part. I couldn't clamp it, so it just kept leaking. I had no choice but to stop her food. I dried it all up, and used some tape to try to stop it. So we finally get to Chicago. I learn that our plane is delayed by two hours. So 3 hour layover is now a 5 hour layover. This means Ana won't be eating this whole time, and it means getting her to the ER will take even longer. I tried calling doctors to get them to help expedite our process. Nope. Ana couldn't sleep well. She doesn't feel hunger, but her sugars and whatnot drop. You know that feeling when you haven't eaten for awhile, and you feel kind of sick? Yep, that's it. Then the plane was delayed another hour. At this point had been up traveling for 11 hours. Then our plane got in, and we had about a 4 1/2 hr plane ride home. Make that 11 hours 15 1/2. We land, go to get our bags, and learn because of the delays, they misplaced one bag. So I file a baggage claim. Then finally off the hospital!

We have to go to the ER, see if the department who replaces tubes will do it that night, and of course they won't. They have to admit Ana since by this point it has been over 24 hours since she's had anything, and she's dehydrated and her numbers have dropped. I usually have a really good experience with the nurses and doctors.. However this nurse rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was the lack of sleep and food on my end. Long story short, we finally get admitted, get her in bed, get her some sugar and electrolytes, sulfate, etc.. Which I learned the next morning they did incorrectly... And she starts to do better, but still exhausted. Get her a new tube, finally, and get out of dodge.

We got home Sunday evening. I am not sure how mom's travel solo for this trip repeatedly. I don't think I can do it again. I am still trying to recoup from this trip. Luckily Ana is able to nap:) However today (Tuesday) she is acting like her tube is in the wrong place. We can wait till morning to check, but hopefully it's fine.

Oh, but on top of this, Anabelle has been battling pink eye and a cold. She is one little trooper. Makes me feel like a big wimp sometimes :)


Hopefully that is the end to our excitement for awhile.

With love,
The Polks

Holland

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo

David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I learned that this is an old poem. But, I think it will outlast time. I am very fond of this poem. It speaks volumes to our new life that we've accepted. 

I typed out a few paragraphs of how sad and upset I get at times because I realize the difference in development between our older two girls and Anabelle. Then quickly deleted it. I realize that ever so often I get caught up in feeling sad because of the missed milestones.

I need to refocus my attention and energy. Focus on how far she has come.

So much farther than I ever thought was imaginable. Yes, the road so far looks like it needs a little fixing, but we're getting there. 

Unfortunately Anabelle has pneumonia again. They said it was viral again, but gave her antibiotics. Last time they said it was pneumonia and antibiotics would do nothing. Slightly confused. And this time she is much worse. Luckily they discharged her from the ER and didn't admit her though. We have everything she would need at the hospital at home, minus a doctor and nurses obviously. But we have a pulse ox, oxygen if needed, apnea monitor, etc. She is non stop coughing, congested, raspy from crying and coughing, and plain old beat. She can't sleep very well, but she wants to oh so much. It's pathetic. 
Our older two have had this bronchial cough for a month or so now. They did 10 days of antibiotics themselves. But it hasn't done anything. And their noses won't stop running either. I'm curious now if they have some sort of pneumonia too, but their doctor isn't open until Monday. 

Even with all the coughing and not feeling good going around, the girls are still smiling. I just love them. They remind me that it's all worth it. 

Last night before we knew Anabelle has pneumonia, she was just non stop crying, wouldn't sleep, etc. I had no idea what was going on. It was my turn to watch her that night. Kyle and I switch some weekends so one of us can get a good nights sleep and stay sane to help balance out the others lack there of. But this night was horrible. I was up with her until 1:45, then she slept for 3 hours. That's it. Around 1:00 I woke Kyle because I was loosing it. She kept choking on her saliva. No matter what I did she wouldn't sleep. So we decided to take her to the ER. I didn't feel comfortable with just one going with her alone in the back seat due to her choking, so we woke Amelia and Alli, and all loaded up. About 3/4 of the way there we realized she was OUT. Totally asleep. For those that are not familiar with the ER... If you take a baby in who doesn't immediately look like they are sick, they will think you are a crazy overreacting parent. They even told me I overdosed her once.. Yeah, that nurse got a piece of my mind.

Anyway. Since she was out, we decided she must have just been tired and now she is asleep and we'll go home. So we get home, she sleeps until 4:45. I try to deal with it. I don't. I lost my cool. I fought with Kyle (before and after our attempt to the ER), I couldn't figure out why she was acting this way and got mad with her. I realize it was very illogical to get mad with a 8 month old baby. But I did. My tone with her was not a nice one. And today I feel like I deserve the worlds worst mother award. Kyle took her into the ER this time, around 6 AM. They got home around 1:30 pm, and I felt like she was mad at me, like she didn't want to look me in the eyes, let alone in my direction. It could have been that she was just tired, but it didn't feel like it. It felt as if she was holding a well deserved grudge at me for loosing my cool with her last night. It is defiantly my lowest moment as a mother so far. I mean, I get upset with the Milly and Alli, but they are older, they can talk and tell me what's going on usually.. But to get angry with a baby, and come to find out she was acting like she was due to pneumonia! Yep. I earned that award..




Hopefully this ugly bout of pneumonia will only last a few days. We go back to Philadelphia soon, and I'm a little nervous that her doc will say she can't fly if she is still sick. Obviously I don't want her to travel if she is sick either... I just want things to run smoothly. I'm always worried about when that monkey is going to throw his wrench in our plans. Dang monkey is always running our plans...

And thank you everyone for the continued love, support, good vibes, etc. It means the world to us. Honestly. I get a little teary when I think about how many people have helped us get to where we are today. Thank you.


With love, 
The Polks