Quick update

I realized that I haven't updated as much as I should! In over a month actually... I apologize..

What's new with Miss Anabear?

Well, she's learning to use her arms to the best way she can. She will swing her arms and knock things over, or use her mouth.
She's still working on scooting. It's kind of hit a wall, so we're talking with her therapists about getting something to help.
She still refuses to say 'mama'. Even though she tries. She looks intensely at our mouths as we say it and tries.

When we got home from our last Philly trip we had to change her tube. I think I updated about that. NIGHTMARE! Then about a week ago the tube broke again. Now, Anabelle has/had a straight J tube. And the size she had only came in a tube that had an external portion, 'high-profile'. Like the picture below. Except (obviously) that's not Ana, it's a photo off of the internet. Hopefully I don't get in trouble because of it. :)

So when it broke for the second time in roughly a month, I was done with it! We took her to the ER, because it was after hours. I had the ER call her GI doctor, because I wasn't able to get a hold of her. Finally we talk, and come up with a plan. We switched her to a low-profile GJ tube. The picture below isn't wonderful. I'm not sure why there is an apple in it.. But I hope it makes sense. The very top (where the apple is) is what lays against her belly. Then the balloon (the bottom of the apple) is what is inside her belly, along with the rest of the tubing. That way the only part sticking out is flat. It's wonderful. And since the main issues with the straight J-tube are that they broke on the outside, I am hoping this is much better. Plus, we get to see if she will tolerate food through the G-tube again. We haven't tried it yet, because she's been sick, but it's an option!



We meet with her GI last week. She isn't gaining enough weight. She has a registered dietitian (RD) that comes in before the doc, and we discuss options. It's nice to have that available! She said she'd like Ana to be gaining around 15 grams a day, and she's around 2.5. So she's plateaued. Which is difficult because she doesn't tolerate a high volume of food. And in a larger picture it's frusterating because I'd love her to be on a blended diet (BD). Which is literally food, blended. Then we push it through a syringe to feed her, rather then being on a pump. But we can't BD feed her through her J tube, per her RD. And I'm nervous about trying to feed her again through her G. So we are waiting until she is better to try it out and see if we can't get her on a BD through her G. That way we can add more calories, she won't be hooked up all the time, she's getting REAL food.. just good all around.

Let's see, what else. We are STILL trying to coordinate a procedure. Well. Procedure/surgery now. We're still waiting for them to get their stuff together and do a bronchoscopy and the Botox injection in her neck. We had a meeting with her ENT doc, and he said he agrees that removing her adenoids would be beneficial. So now we're adding that on to it. It's a lot, but it's not the easiest for her to be put under multiple times.. I feel bad for doing so much to her at once, but the risks are less if it's once rather then three separate times. Plus, she gets put under so much already, why not try and combine? But we've been waiting for just the bronch since around December.. so we'll see. I've expressed my frustrations plenty, I just hope they understand.

After we do the all of that, next step depends on the results. If her Pulmonologist thinks that we can move forward with another swallow study, we will. If not, then we discuss. I talked with her ENT, and if the reason she aspirates is other than her just being underdeveloped, then it'd be surgical. And if it's surgical, most likely it's be very invasive surgery. We're hoping not go have to even discuss it further than that. We're hoping her muscles are just immature and need to develop more.

But boy oh boy does that girl love to taste food! A few nights back we had a lazy pizza dinner night. And Alli was sitting on the couch next to Ana, and Ana leaned over and started to suck on her pizza! I was also on the couch, so I let her taste the sauce, and she was in love! She was very upset with me when I had to take it away. She's starting to bite food now. It's amazing, yes, but terrifying for me. I am scared she is going to take a bit and aspirate a whole bit of actual food. AH! I don't think her doctor would be pleased with me. I don't even know really what would happen, I hope she wouldn't choke. But ugh. It's wonderful she understands that's what you do, but terrifying.

Other then those big things, the only other thing is that we are moving! We're moving closer to family, so it will be nice. It's where Kyle and I grew up, so we're happy we get to raise our girls there too. Only downside is we have to switch therapists. Which is a huge downside. Once that I didn't realize until after we had everything set up to move. Not only do we have to start over, but I'm nervous it will take Ana a long time (again) to get use to new people. People that move her and make her work.. She's one determined little girl. If she doesn't want to do something, rarely are you going to get her to do it.

Thanks again for keeping in the loop with Anabear! And the support and love! It's amazing to look back on the past year plus and see how far our little fighter has come! Like I always say, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you :)

With love,

The Polks



The new normal

nor·mal

 [ náwrm'l ]   

1. usual: conforming to the usual standard, type, or custom
2. healthy: physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy

Firstly, I don't want anyone to be offended. My intend is solely to express my feelings. If you disagree, that is perfectly ok and I accept that. As I hope that you accept that mine differ from yours and we can still respect each other. 

I have three daughters, Anabelle is our youngest. I have done the baby things that majority of people deal with, what you typically think comes along with having a new addition to the family. 

With our older girls there were the middle of the night feedings, burping, spit up, introducing foods, tummy time (with ease), learning to crawl, holding their heads up (basically from birth..), doctor appointments for check ups and only very rarely between, playing with toys, etc etc. 

With Anabelle there are continuous feeds, no need for burping because she has a bag that does it for her, and nothing is in her stomach anyways, spit up that is bile only and due to severe reflux, nothing orally because she can aspirate, a variety of medications and hospital visits, and very physically delayed. Oh, and about 20 doctor appointments a month. 

I do not say any of this in a negative light. I mention these things because they are not normal. People continue to tell me that Anabelle is normal. Yes. There are things about her that are normal. She is a beautiful little girl, a wonderful addition to our family, I wouldn't trade her for any other baby, and her basic needs are normal as any other baby out there. 

However, her feeding bags and list of medications are not normal. 

Her formula being prescription formula is not normal. 

Her going to therapy twice weekly is not normal. 

Yada yada yada....

I hope everyone understand what my point is. I am a little tired so it makes sense in my head, and I just hope it makes sense as I type it. 

So medical update! yay.

We have the first set of results back from the muscle biopsy. From the conversation with the Geneticist all positive. The basic: It's non progressive. Which is the answer we were looking for. In the consult, he said that sometimes conditions start out looking like just Arthrogryposis, then become degenerative. So finding out that she can only get better was a huge relief. He also said she has Fiber Type 1 & 2 disproportion. Also, he said something about active necrosis. I am confused by all of this. It seems a little oxymoron to me...  And the nurse was trying to explain the blood results over the phone, and I was totally confused. I asked her to send me the report because it was all just too much to understand over the phone. Oh, and they are still doing tests on the muscle to see what else they can find since the first tests were somewhat inconclusive. 

These are just a few paragraphs from the records, just to explain how easily I can get confused:

'The muscle biopsy shows necrosis in two adjacent fascicles with near complete necrosis of their fibers that are being replaced by an infiltrate of histiocytes at the periphery of the necrotic fascicles. That change, which essentially represents infarctions of the two muscle fascicles, is not present in the remaining fascicles of this biopsy. The necrotic fascicles are not associated with significant inflammatory infiltrates other than the histiocytes at the periphery of the fascicles, and the remaining fascicles of the biopsy remain free of inflammation  There is no evidence of vascular thrombosis.....

Trichrome stain does not show the presence of "ragged red" fibers that could indicate a mitochondrial myopathy. Likewise, stains with SDH and COX (both mitochondrial specific enzymes) show no evidence of an abnormal pattern of staining. The fibers retain a normal amount of glycogen with PSA stains with and without diastase and normal amounts of lipids are detected with Oil-red-O stains. NADH stain does not show the presence of target or core fibers.'

So... with that said... if you understand all of this please let me know what the heck is means. I understand bits and pieces. But.. 

So with that and her appointment with the neurologist, we are moving forward with another MRI. I don't really know what the right path is, or if we are choosing the right steps, and all I can do is hope that we are. It will be about 3 hours and it will be on her brain and spine. So that means anesthesia for the 6th time since she was born. Not my favorite, but it's what we have to do. 

I wouldn't trade any of this crazy chaos for the world. Of course there are times I want to just throw the white flag up. Then one of the girls or Kyle will do something to remind me it's all worth it. I am remind to appreciate every day given to us. 

When we first found out there was something different with Anabelle, we were told she probably wasn't going to make it to birth. So here, 7 months and 14 days post birth, I can only be thankful for our journey, no matter where it leads. It might not be the normal path, or the path we expected, but it is ours and I wouldn't change it for anything. 

With love, 

The Polks

crazy. beautiful

Brace yourself, it's a long one. 

I've been thinking about doing an update daily. What to write, include, etc. I've been thinking about how personal to make it, what parts of our lives to include. I know personally I read other blogs and feel like I belong. Belong to a club of sorts. A club that doesn't judge, a club where I am not alone, a club where everyone understands. 

First I will update about Ana's medical stuff... 


We have had more therapy visits. One 'feeding evaluation', and some occupational therapy (OT). 

Of course Anabelle didn't have a normal feeding evaluation. Because she doesn't eat. But it was just following up with her speech therapist and see what we can do to help her be ready to eat when she can. Setting up the appointment was frustrating. The receptionist said the have her hungry, but not starving. This way she will show them how she eats. Well, she doesn't eat. She proceeded to disagree with me and was totally confused and baffled with my responses. I told her I know what needs to happen, and don't worry about it. 

She is currently receiving occupation therapy twice a week through CCS. They have to submit a plan to her doctor for approval. The plan includes where she is at, goals, expectations, etc. It was nice reading the parts about how she is a very visual and happy baby. It was devastating reading the parts about her being at a 12 week development mark, how drastic her AMC really is, and just how much therapy they think she needs and how much she needs help with. 

I think it hits so hard because I have procrastinated thinking about life to come. Since we found out that Anabelle had something different going on (at 20 weeks prenatally), it's been a wait and see process. It still is, but some things are becoming evident. She is 7 months old (today, YAY!) but physically where a 3 months old is. It's hard to see it written down on paper. It's hard to see other kids her age at the store, in waiting rooms, at the park. Anywhere life normally takes you.  

Like I said, it only gets to me sometimes. Mostly I am just so thrilled that she is gaining weight and is happy! But I think these are reasons I have avoided updating because it makes me sit down and think about her progress. Her very very slow progress. 

But good news! She was plateauing for a few weeks on weight. We slowly upped her feedings, and now she is doing just fine! Her GI is micromanaging her for a few weeks to ensure things are under control and she is on the right track. This means weekly appointments. And since both us and her are so busy, we get to see her Monday mornings at 6:45 AM. Anabelle isn't loving these appointments, and gets mad when I wake her up. She has done good though! She has joined the 12 pound club! Next Monday if things keep going good we are going to switch from formula to a blended diet. This means blending foods! Actual food! I don't know all about it yet, but she mentioned spinach, kael, oil... and that kids usually do much better on blended diets, especially kids with reflux. She is an awesome doctor. Always listens, very open to ideas, not all medical. Realized that we are people that have to live with this. We talked about this on Monday, and she was explaining how she advocates for her families. That right there was awesome. Her families, not patients. She realizes this effects the whole family. LOVE her! 
*update to the update* 
I wrote this a week ago, and GI has been.. iffy lately. Not the doc. Wednesday I was giving night meds and her tube clogged. It happens. Every time I stress, but we can always get it unclogged. I guess we put too much pressure on it and the tube popped. Totally broke. Done. Off to the ER. Since IR didn't want to come in that night, she had to be admitted until they came in the next morning to get her a new tube. They said it'd be an easy experience, smooth. Put a guide wire in the tube, take the old tube out, put the new tube over the guide wire, place it, then take the guide wire out. Easy! WRONG. The tube was so clogged they couldn't put the guide wire through, so they had to do the entire procedure. And since she doesn't do great with anesthesia, and they said it'd be simple and anesthesia wouldn't be necessary, we didn't do it. WRONG, again. I got to be with her, and the entire time was horrid. I hate myself for letting it happen and her go through that pain. Then Saturday night I was doing meds again, and the damn tube clogged, again. I just balled. I called the GI to see if there was anything else I could do that I hadn't tried, there wasn't. Per her instructions we went in Sunday morning. We went in at 7:00 am and IR couldn't change her tube until 4:00 pm. ALL day without food. And this time we used Propofol and she didn't have to be awake. But then all last night and today she just isn't her. So I took her into the ER. They say she has gas and it's just the side effects from Propofol. We see her GI in the morning so I was done with them. There were a lot of people with coughs and contagious stuff today. So done with the hospital. I wish I could run it and make things run smoothly. 


Last Friday Anabelle meet with Neurology. He wants to wait until the muscle biopsy comes back, but depending on what the results are wants to do another MRI. I'm not exactly sure why (I didn't go), but wanting to check out the nervous system is my guess. 

OH!!! BIG NEWS!!! We have an appointment for Shriner's in Philadelphia! November 5th :) I am terrified things will all fall apart and we won't be able to make it. I also haven't really ever traveled, so I am terrified. Scared of traveling with a baby, a baby with feeding tube, etc etc. But I am hoping things work out, and am trying to prevent them from falling apart. I really want to go out there and see those doctors. The lower extremity doctors here are upsetting. They are unwilling to coordinate. Last week she was suppose to get casted again. Kyle took her in, and they make it seem like we are burdening them. In the end, he walked out without casts. The last casts we got, a few weeks ago, were too tight. Since they use soft casts I am able to take them off at home, which I did. I felt like her care was being compromised. So I am excited and can't wait to see what Philadelphia has to offer. 

She is doing ok overall. Hopefully tomorrow her GI can give us more answers. 


Amelia and Allison are doing good. Amelia is wanting more attention from me, and I can't give it to her all the time. It's hard to balance attention. 

Lately I have been conflicted. Conflicted over having 'typical' kids and a special needs kid. I am so happy and grateful that my older girls are healthy, are able to do things on their own, for the fact that I have never worried if they will be able to live independently, and on and on and on. In the other hand, I am frustrated because I know these things will be hard for Anabelle. I don't know exactly how to explain it. I try to not let AMC effect things in our lives so much. Just take it for what it is and conquer it. Again, the moments of frustration know how to creep its way in. 

But I wouldn't change our life for anything. I am thrilled with each and every day that we have these beautiful girls, and that they are ours. I love them all so much and couldn't imagine life without them. I am blessed to have them, blessed to have such a wonderful partner to go through this crazy beautiful life with. 

With love, 
The Polks

Busy lady

It's never a dull moment with Anabelle! 

Last week her GI called, and said that if I am not comfortable with her pain level to bring her in, again. To the hospital because it was Friday after 5:00 PM, and that's how our life works. So she had been screaming all day, and then I get home from work and no change. Even with meds. 

I took her in. We got her comfortable and admitted. I meet with the attending doc. I should mention we are VERY familiar with all of the doctors, and most nurses. Probably my least favorite thing. So he comes in and we discuss. He noted she was boarderline for an ear infection, but just not sure. So he wanted a complete work up. yay.... I explain how tough it is to get an IV and blood, and how we're getting a broviac cause of this very reason. I explain how last time they stuck her 14+ times, and still nada. He puts a cap on the times they can stick her, 3. Love it!! 

So two nurses come in to do the IV. These are new nurses I have never seen, which is weird... I explain how hard it is. I explain how I'd like IV therapy or a NICU nurse.. They reassure me that they are pros and can get it. I tell them about the 3 sticks max.... 

Two sticks in, they tell me I'm right, and mama knows best. DUH!
NICU nurses come down. Another 4 sticks. They got an IV twice, but both turned. Meaning they no longer went into the vein, but rather just into her arms.. filling it with meds and fluids. Painful.. 

So no IV. Then lab comes. They did another few sticks and got enough only for 1 of the 4 tests. Great. 

We saw her GI the next morning. Of course Anabelle was all smiles. Making me look insane. Then her GI remembered that in the hospital they blend the formula. Literally, just put the formula and water into a blender and wa-lah! She said that it takes out a lot of the gas.. still seems like she's crazy, but I guess it worked, for a few days. Anabelle came home on Sunday. 
She did pretty ok during the week, only needing Tylenol w/ codeine once a day.. however, Thursday she started getting back to herself. And now, Friday, I called her GI again. 

She also meet with surgery for a follow up. We told him what's been going on. He said that she is too small for a port, and she will get a broviac. But I guess there is such thing as a low profile broviac... (I can't remember if I have already said this..sorry!)

We meet with pulmonology this week. He said that he's happy with how she's progressed. Cancelled a med, added another one. Important news. He said that he doesn't want to repeat her swallow study for at least six months. And he said that'd be early. With that said, she will have a feeding tube, be it J or G, or GJ, for at least another year. In order to get her tube out she has to 
1. Do a repeat swallow study and PASS, showing no aspirating or iffy like behavior. 
2. Eat on her own without touching her tube AND thrive for another solid 6 months. 

That was a little upsetting to hear, only because her GI ok'd a repeat swallow study for as soon as it could be approved.. but it's ok. What ever is best for Anabanana. 

OHH and she is 11 lbs now :D Such a chunky monkey! Her hair has gotten so out of control too.. It reaches her eyes now! I put together some pictures and sent them to a doc for his opinion, so they have some funny words on the, but look how far she's come! 

See what I mean about the hair! 

(yawning because she is bored with me...)

 Her knees BENDING

 Ana laying out :)

As far as family news::: I just got a promotion/new position at work! It will be awesome. I think I will really enjoy the work, and am super super super excited to start!! 
Amelia and Allison are doing awesome. Amelia is really loving school. We have our first parent teacher conference next week! But there is this little girl who I can't stand. She tells Amelia that her shoes are not cute, or her hair or whatever.. then Amelia comes back and says she needs to wear different shoes, or she can't wear braids because this little girl said they are ugly.. UGH. I never thought I could be angry with a 4 year old!! Don't worry, I alerted her teacher to it and she has gotten better, I think.. 
I really don't think Ana and all of her needed attention has affected them to much. People always ask how they are doing with everything. I honestly haven't seen a huge drastic change in them. I feared jealous, outbursts, and just plain hell when we took Ana home from the NICU. But nada. I gotta say, our kids are pretty dang awesome. 

With love, 

The Polks

Testing and guessing

Anabelle has been a busy busy little lady. 


Let's see. Medical stuff... 


She's finally back in serial casting.. It's been a while since her on and off again hospital stays and trips. She has seen Endrocrinology, a Pulmonology team (a nurse, dietitian, social worker, etc.), her Rehabilitation coordinator, and GI. 

Endo wants blood. Pulmonology wants follow ups. Rehab wants therapy. GI wants the most. 

GI wanted an X-ray to check what, I don't know. But we did it this morning. I swear she might grow up and glow from all of this radiation... From my understanding; depending on what her GI sees in the x-ray...maybe not.. on Monday we will switch her back to a G-tube. Then observe. This will be done in the office. We will wait and watch her reflux. Unfortunately I have a feeling that it will be the same. She's still refluxing with a J-Tube, and that goes straight the the small intestine and was suppose to fix all of our worries. So if she still has severe reflux that affects her breathing horribly, again, then we will do a Nissen fundoplication. (gotta love Wikipedia!) So if we do that then we will combine the muscle biopsy and broviac, or a long PICC, like she had when she was in the NICU, and the Nissen. 

Man oh man. My hope is that by 7... 7 1/2 months... things will slow down and we will be settled and things will be smooooth. I feel like we're getting there.. Just a little hiccup in the road.

Like I've said, I'm back at work. And I have been asked more than once how Anabelle is. Honestly it doesn't bother me. It's just though because do you really want to know, because we're just passing by each other in the hall, and I can't fit it all in in these short 5 seconds. And also, I don't want some people to think I'm complaining, or being sad. It's just her story. I don't want them to feel bad or pity her or our family. We are blessed. Honestly. I look at her and always just imagine how much worse it could be. And how far she's come, and what a little trooper and fighter she is. 

Like today! She had such an awesome day! She was laughing (which it's been a while since she's laughed), and was all smiles. And she watches what we do, interacts with us. And most of all doesn't let all of this medical junk get in her way of being her, a happy, loving life baby girl. I have to say though, I think she loves her sisters most. Every time they talk and play with her she is ALL smiles! They love to help so so much. I am so thankful that our family has come together so well and we can all just see our precious Ana :) 


Hopefully we will have more answers as to what the next few weeks look like ahead by tomorrow. 

Oh, and the prayers, good thoughts, vibes, mojo, can we please keep it coming? I really feel it's been working wonders. Thanks <3 font="font">


With love, 
The Polks

Hospital stay #3!

Anabelle's GI decided that it was time to switch her from a G-tube to a J-tube.  Her reflux was so bad that sometimes she would turn blue. No good. 

July 12th we went in and had them switch it out. With a G-tube the tube just goes into the stomach, very easy to switch out for another. With a J-tube it's a little more tricky. 

First, to place it she had to be put under. An Interventional Radiologist placed it. Basically they used a X-ray machine that took current and live pictures. I think... I'm still fuzzy on how they did it. It was all very short notice. It was done as an outpatient procedure. Well. It was meant to be. 

We went in to the hospital. After much confusion regarding size, procedure, etc etc.. We finally went to the room. I was able to sit by Anabelle and kiss and talk to her until she fell asleep.. Until they put her to sleep. 

July 13th. The entire night she had been extremely fussy. Couldn't sleep. Her tube site (on the outside) leaked a few times. I just figured it was because they had just messed with it. But by morning I knew it just wasn't right. She had been trying to sleep. But there was just something preventing her. I thought I was overreacting, like I tend to do. So I called the on call pediatrician. He suggested I take her in to see them. So I did. Her doctor wasn't sure what it was. She said to take her to the ER and have them Xray to check the J-tube placement. So me and little miss Ana were off to the ER. I really hate going to the ER. Not only due to the long waits, germ filled people, people who don't need to be there, etc etc. But also because most of the nurses and doctors have no idea what to do for her. They usually have to call in a doctor who has already seen her before. And also because I have to explain Arthrogryposis to almost everyone, patients, nurses, doctors... I don't mind spreading awareness, however, when we are in the ER it is usually because she has some issue and I don't want to explain it 100 times. Or explain that no, she just has leg casts, not a spica cast. No, they are not to bring her legs down or relocate her hips, they are to bend her knees. The tubes you see are her feeding tubes. Nope, the only thing she takes orally is her binkie. *sigh* Sorry, it's just exhausting. More so when she is crying the entire time. 

What was I trying to get at again? Oh yeah. So we get back to the ER 'room'. They actually just gave us a gurney in the hallway. The nurse was nice and after triage-ing us took us back rather then sending us out to the masses again. 

The doctor took his time seeing us. Then said that he will have to confer with the pediatric intensivist, then get back to us. Meanwhile Ana's tubes are filling up with yellow... stuff. The ER doctor has no idea what it is.. Her bag had about 40 ML's. (just over an ounce).. What is going on!?! 

So finally after a few hours and and xray showing things are in place, he comes over and says that we have to go upstairs and they will figure it out up there. And as I should know, this won't be able to be fixed as an outpatient. Um, excuse me? I did not think this is the path we'd be going down today. I hadn't eaten yet because I thought we'd be home after her appointment with her pediatrician. I didn't have my purse, extra diapers, food for Ana, nothing! 

After a good chunk of time, the PICU (Pediatric ICU) doc sees her. Says she needs an IV because we haven't been able to feed her and she's dehydrated. FUN! It is beyond hard to get an IV started on this little lady. I honestly lost number of how many attempts were made. The doc said if they couldn't get one soon they'd have to do something where they stick the needle in her bone... I don't remember what it was called, but it sounded horrible. He was just trying to avoid putting her under anesthesia. I think an hour after starting, and about 5 people trying later, he finally got one in her foot. We got the IV started. But still no food.

In the end they think the balloon was just inflated to much for her little body. They believe it kept slipping and blocking things it isn't suppose to, causing food to come back out, and great pain for Anabelle. Also, her GI told us that they used the wrong J-tube. They were suppose to use a low profile J-tube, which would enable us to be able to hold her chest to chest with ease, have a medicine port closer to her so meds got to her faster, and not have a tube sticking out that can get pulled, wallow (again), etc. The first few days she was miserable. She was throwing up, non-stop crying, not sleeping. Then they figured her feeds where to much at once for her. So for about a week we played with her volume. The PICU doctor was threatening we'd have to use TPN. Luckily her GI is amazing, and has a few tricks up her sleeve. Typically babies eat 20 calories per ounce, however, she's bumped up to 45 calories per ounce. Unfortunately that isn't enough. So we've added a few medications to help. A few that are not cheap and not covered. Even with all of this she is still irritable. The GI has told us she thinks it's now because she is anticipating reflux, discomfort and/or pain, therefore she cries. The PICU doc thinks it's something GI related. So since no one can agree and figure it out, she is temporarily on Ativan. Awesome. My four month old is on an anti anxiety med. I have mixed feelings about it. And question if it is the right thing to do. 

After 13 days, they finally let us out. She still needs to gain to be on the low side of normal. Another reason they started Ativan. If she is fussy and crying all the time, she is burning calories. 

Oh. And today we meet with genetics. I thought that since we had an amniocentesis and microarray done that they wouldn't have much to tell us. Boy was I wrong. In short, he wants to do a muscle biopsy. And he was upset that they didn't do it while they had her asleep for this last ordeal. So in a few months they will put her to sleep for the fourth time and take a piece of her leg muscle and do a battery of tests on it to search for answers. The genetics doc said he wants to give her a break since she's been through so much so far. Thankfully!! 

And! I go back to work in one week. YIKES! Luckily I think we have everything for her in check. And hopefully we can get some nursing set up soon to help while I'm away. It's been a long (almost) 5 months. And I know it's just the beginning. I'm just happy that she will get a break for a little while and hope that she can just relax and grow and be happy :) 

It's tough to think that my little baby isn't healthy. It's hard to say that she is special needs. I always say that all I want for my kids are to be happy and healthy. And it's tough when I don't know if or when Anabelle is going to be healthy. Where we don't have a page full of specialist phone numbers, and have a list of meds she is or has taken, or tons of medical equipment laying around. I know things will be ok eventually. It's just hard at times to admit that right now they are not great. Thanks for letting me vent :):);)

With love, 

The Polks

The small stuff

What a week. Poor Anabelle has had eight, yes, eight, appointments this week. I'll give a brief summary of the major ones.

Sleep study/back to pulmonology: We did another sleep study. It was horrible. They were trying to jam two cannulas into her little nose. One to measure the co2 output and one to give her oxygen. After several failed attempts, they just did the co2 cannula with some blow by. She was uncomfortable the entire night, was screaming every 5 minutes. Finally we both got about an hour of solid sleep after they started the blow by. We went back to the Pulmonologist. I guess they finally took it serious because we got to meet the actual doctor this time. He said her second study was better, only about 110 apneas. (Not sure if that is total or just obstuctive apneas). However, it's still dangerously high. We started her on 24/7 oxygen today, 2 liters. She hates it. I think she's warming up to it a little now though, she's sleeping! But he said we will repeat the sleep study, and if that doesn't work then try a CPAP, repeat, then if that still doesn't work we will discuss a trach. This doctor really understands what a big decision it is, and told me how we will make the decision together. Very comforting. Hopefully the oxygen works though! We will repeat the sleep study next week to see where we are. Oh, and he said if this continues long term it could lead to brain damage because she only breaths about half the time. Ah.

Physical therapy/Shriners: We had our first visit with outpatient therapy (not with Shriners). They showed us some stuff, mostly what we already know and do. We also meet met with Shriners hand specialists. She gave us some stretching excersises, and said we'll regroup in 3 months to see where we are at. But good news is Anabelles range of motion is great! She can flex her elbow's a little more then 90 degress, and extend about 30-45. She explained how Anabelle is a little backwards from typical AMC kids. I guess they usually see then with extended arms and flexed legs. But that's Anabelle! :D Nothing is 'normal' when it comes to her medical care. *sigh* But she said she is too small for splints right now, but maybe in 3 months we will try them. Also, she said she doesn't want to be too agressive because Anabelle will show us what she can do and needs help with, from there we will see what we can do to help her. She doesn't want to do something now that will damage her later.

GI: Since her reflux is still horrible, we have switched her to some RX formula. We have three to try, one a week. In three weeks we will follow up with GI and determine if anything helped and if not we will switch to a J-tube. It will help *hopefully* with the reflux, which in turn will help with her breathing. I love her GI. She doesn't fool around. She gets things done, and doesn't make us feel dumb when we have silly questions. And she has lots of energy. Maybe a little to much at times for this sleepy mom. I just pray this works!


Other than that, little Anabelle is just too cute! She smiles all the time now! And her big sister love love love her!!
Kyle and Amelia had a conversation the other day. I wasn't there so I could be misquoting.
Kyle - "You know Anabelle's special right?"
Amelia - "Yeah, like a present!"
Kyle - "Do you know what that means?"
Amelia -"Yeah, it's good!"

Melts my heart. They don't see her any different. Honestly I tear up when I just think about them together. Amelia wanted to cuddle with Ana, and actually sleep with her! Well.. I couldn't let her do that, but she just cuddled as long as she could. Ah! Got to love my kiddos. They remind me of what is important in life. <3

With love,
The Polks

Trach?!

I have known for a while now that Anabelle doesn't breath as well as she should. I guess I never knew how bad it really was until they gave me some numbers behind it.
I just got back from our Pulmonology follow up. They had the results from her sleep study. And the results made me cry.  She started off easy... Anabelle has 5 central sleep apneas, 1 mixed (I forgot what this means), and here are the real kickers, 236 obstructive sleep apneas, and 224 hypopneas. Her miminum oxygen saturation was 40%... It should be 100%! Her total number of desaturations was 480 for the 9 hour study.

Then the really bad part came. The doc asked if I have ever heard of a Tracheostomy, or knew what it was. Going into the appointment today I had two fears. One being they would put her on oxygen. The second, larger fear was they would want to do a Tracheostomy. I've learned when the doctors ask if you have ever heard of a procedure or surgery, they are leaning towards recommending it. Highly recommending it.

Not only is this another surgery for Anabelle. But how the heck are we suppose to handle a trach at home!? I don't know the first things about trachs! Obviously we want what is best for Anabelle... I just don't know how this is going to work.

Tomorrow night we are repeating the sleep study with 1-2 liters of oxygen, they are going to review, and then we have an appointment on Thursday with the actual Pulmonologist. These past two times we've meet with the NP, who has confered with the doctor. I am praying that all she will need is some o2 while she sleeps and wal-la!  She's fine. I have a gut feeling that won't happen. I had a gut feeling about the g-tube, and I have that same feeling again. Just reading other kids stories, and the similarities.. It's just tough.

Well, we will keep you all updated on what happens this week. In all we have 8 appointments now! Wish us luck!! :D

With love,
The Polks

Home at last! - again

I'm not very good at keeping up with whole posting twice a week. Opps!


Well we got home with Miss Anabelle on Saturday, so we've been home for 5 days now. On our own. With this stinking G-tube stuff. It honestly hasn't been horrible. It's just difficult to move around the house while holding her. I feel like our home has transformed into some sort of hospital clinic now. We have an IV pole and all. Oh, and our dumb apnea monitor doesn't work correctly, or we're using incorrectly. 


She is still having pretty bad reflux. She is just so darn sensitive. We lay her flat to change a diaper and it starts. And it's horrible. It usually doesn't come up, it just hang out in the back of her throat. Which isn't fun. I'm sure it is just sitting there burning her, and then she cries in pain, and I fear she will some day aspirate it. And she favors being held chest to chest, and dislikes being put down. We can sometimes get away with it, but usually not for long. We have to pad her swing so that she is basically sitting straight up. And she favors this one particular head position that makes it a little tough to lay her down on her back. Luckily our home therapy people let us borrow this pillow thing. It's called a Versa pillow. It's full of little beads, and you shape it how you want, then you can suck out all of the air and it holds its shape! We finally got to use it today. She is actually liking it, kinda. 

I am also excited because they do craniosacral therapy! I just learned about it earlier this week, and was sure it would be hard to find, and expensive. Luckily I asked, and they do it! And it's free! I'm just hoping we can get enough visits for us to become comfortable enough to do it if we don't get visits for it at least weekly. 


I don't know how I am going to get use to this life of doctors. I know we have just begun, but shoot! How do other families do this?! This week we have 6, yes 6! doctor appointments. In 5 days! This week we had pulmonology, two home visits, Shriner's for castings, a post op check, and sleep study. 


Pulmonology didn't do too much. They said that they want her to see cardiology, neurology, and be followed by the pulmonology team. As far as positioning, just don't put her head to her chest. Duh. You see, Anabelle likes to arch her back and keep her airway open. It's hard for her to breath if she is in any other position, and sometimes even that position is hard. I mentioned   Stridor, and they agreed, but didn't say yes or no. Just 'yeah, that's a possibility.' UGH. Like I tell Amelia, it's either yes or no. 


On a good note, we weighed Anabelle at Shriner's on Tuesday. We use their scale for her weighted since she is there weekly. And guess what!? Little miss Belle is 7 POUNDS! So in twelve weeks, she's gained two pounds. Hopefully it's all due to the G-tube and it will just keep going up and up. Also, she is super visual. As always. In the NICU the nurses said she was very 'social'. She loves looking around and seeing what's going on. But now, she is starting to really look at you. She is smiling more and more, cooing, and just being such a cutie pie! It's tough because just laying her back a little to look at her and talk with her gives her reflux. It's just a balancing act. Right now her voice is pretty raspy from that, combined with crying a bunch. It's sad. We've been giving her Tylenol for any pain she might be having, as well as Zantac and Prevacid. 


It's just nice having her home though. I'll take having us all together over a few extra hours of sleep and a more organized home. <3


With love, 
The Polks

Oh, and here are a few pics of the latest hospital trek

'Uhh... mom, What is this thing?!'

She loved this thing! Don't tell, but it made it home with us :D 

Comfy at the hospital

After surgery, hooked up to some machines; Her feeding pump, leads, pulse ox, as well as oxygen. She liked the bouncer/swing they had though! 

Day 8 at the hospital

Yesterday Anabelle had a bad case of reflux. I laid her down to change her diaper, and BAM! She couldn't catch her breath, started to vomit, etc etc. I called her nurse once to see if her feedings were just a little to high for her to tolerate, and she said no, she's fine. And if she continues to have episodes then they will call the doctor. And just FYI, Anabelle is at risk for aspirating, so her reflux and vomit could go back down into her lungs. It's not a simple, 'Oh she's fine, no biggy. Just a little reflux.' So she was still having issues when the nurse left and I went out to request the doctor come by so we can talk to him, and went back to our room. I guess she followed me, cause as I walked in she was right behind me, luckily. Anabelle's stats went down and she was vomiting. At times it seems like the nurses only believe us when they see it for themselves. Then another nurse came in, and another. The put her on a nasal canula (I'm sure that's misspelled). Luckily she was doing better in the wee hours of the morning so they took it away. 


Today was a big day for her. She got off oxygen, got her casts off, had a P/T consult, got an IV ripped out of her hand... Oh and she is still recouping from surgery 3 days ago.  They bumped up her feeds from 10 mls, to 15 mls, to now 20 and fortified. She is on continous feeds, so she is getting 20 mls every hours, which is just under an ounce. She is still refluxing but seems to be ok. 


OH. And we got Amelia and Allison back from sitters yesterday. They've been gone all week. And i don't know what ahppened, but Amelia's little attitude is horrible! She thinks she is way older then she is, and has attitude for 5 little girls. I don't know how we're going to live through her teen years. 


I don't know how we will get through this next year! It's been so crazy and hectic these past few months. I feel like we haven't been able to really get anything done for Anabelle as far as her AMC goes. Oh, but her knees do look a lot more bent. But it just seems like we keep hitting dead ends with P/T and whatnot. So frustrating! That mixed with my disability issues and hiccups, and work needing papers and not understanding I'm not home right now, I live  at the hospital currently. Stop calling me! Ok, I feel a little better now. Maybe...


Hopefully Anabelle can come home tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath anymore. I've heard this so many times, I just want to make sure she is ready, no rush this time around. But I'd like to remove the stress from hospital trips from our mix. We will see! 


With love, 
The Polks